Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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