I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
