Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
