those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
