I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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