Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
