I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need help removing her.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
