Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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