My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
