Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
