Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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