i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
