I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
