Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
