How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
