I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
