3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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