just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
