Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
