i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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