i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
