I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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