JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
