My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
