I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
