forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
