i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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