I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
