there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
