We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
