She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
