just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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