Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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