What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
