Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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