the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I fill condoms, not promises.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
