...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to make out with him forever
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
