the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
