I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
