Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
