atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
