Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
