I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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