glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
