chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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