if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Randomize
