Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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