every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
