i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
