you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
