not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
